Truth and SHAME...

Hello friends, a colleague in the faith shared this story with me and it got me thinking because I’ve heard similar stories severally and I’m wondering the balance between God’s standard and church doctrine. Before i say much let me relay the true life story of Ben and Nina. I have known Ben for a while and he has invited me couple of times for a speaking gig in his church’s youth fellowship.

 Raised by Godly parents, Ben from a young age developed a personal relationship with God, and has waxed strong in the faith.  as the first son of his parents his education was quite fast and in no time he had forged a good career path for himself, making  him a role model to his siblings and the youth in his local church, and he was appointed secretary in the church’ singles fellowship. As with most African traditions, when a young man is of age and can stand on his own, they say it’s a good time to get married. Well he has had his fair share of dating ups and downs in dating until he met Nina a lady in the singles fellowship. They got friendly and soon a relationship kindled, they grew fond of each other and soon Ben took the huge step and proposed to her on

her 26^th birthday …with a smile and teary eyes she said "YES". In a few months the wedding date was fixed and plans were under way and they were the delight of the singles church. I must add, they are such beautiful couple a mix of coffee and cream (*smile*)

He called me a few days ago and he didn’t sound quite like himself and I prodded further to know if he was okay, he said “we have been in counseling and preparing for the wedding has been a bit stressful, but I’m deep in pain”. I sat up and asked “pain? What is it?”  He said “we did it,… I had sex with Nina”…there was a long and loud silence.                                                                                                                            He later picked up and said “I’m feeling blue, I disappointed God, my family, the young people who look up to me and myself…I can’t even concentrate on anything, and Nina is so crushed she hasn't said anything to me. Asabe, we will be facing the church marriage committee in 2 weeks, the shame of them finding out stares at me but fact is they won’t wed us if we say we have had sex. We have both dreamed of this day to be wed before the congregation in our local church, now it won’t happen”. I heard him sob at the other end…I was at a loss for words. He went on to remind me of another brother who had a similar experience and hid it from the church marriage committee and others who took the wedding to another church. he had in the past asked the church pastor why that doctrine was there seeing that times are different and it isn’t that easy to keep one’s chastity  these days, the pastor responded by stating God’s intention of sex  confined in marriage and that involving in sex meant they were already married before coming to the church to be joined. He called my name and said “should i tell them the truth??”….uhmm hmmn…(stuttering) …Ben this is a big one, i muttered a few more words to encourage him and said I will see you tomorrow.

I hardly could sleep that night, my thoughts were all over about this issue, the embarrassment they would both face, I thought the church should adjust the doctrine since God has forgiven them…but honestly, what do you think he should do?